Paletko yuks it up Letterman-style

Times-Herald Newspapers

HEIGHTS — Mayor Daniel Paletko likes to tell a good joke, which was apparent during last week’s State of the City address.

He took the opportunity to try out some new material in front of about 120 or so audience members. Here’s a sampling of Paletko’s humor, which he delivers in an off-cuff “speaking of. . .” style.

It was so cold recently:

• “Yesterday, McDonald’s was serving McCafe on a stick”

• “Judge (David) Turfe told me that people were coming in, pleading guilty to traffic tickets and begging for the electric chair.”

• “Last weekend I didn’t clean my house. I just defrosted it.”

• “I saw my neighbors pushing their house down the street trying to jumpstart their furnace.”

• “The fire chief called me and told me that people were having dogs get stuck to our fire hydrants.”

The economy is so bad:

• “A local woman went into a bank and said, ‘I want to start a small business, how do I go about it?’ The banker said simply, ‘Buy a big business and invest with us.’”

• “You know the economy is bad when you get a predeclined credit card offer in the mail.”

• “You know the economy is bad when your ATM gives you an IOU instead of cash.”

• “The economy is so bad that recently a local merchant would only allow me to pay him in Canadian dollars.”

On manufacturing in China (in reference to difficulty creating jobs in Dearborn Heights):

• “Because of a pay dispute, a massive riot broke out among workers at a factory in China. Witnesses said they had never seen so many fighting toddlers in all their lives.”

• “The Chinese toy problem is out of hand. Yesterday I ordered a kid’s meal and instead of asking me if I wanted a boy’s toy or a girl’s, they asked me if I wanted leaded or unleaded.”